What is depression?

This is for me. It's my belated birthday present in honor of my grandmother.

I haven't written in this silly blog for a long time because I haven't had the time on my hands that normally contribute to my rambling about a girl or bothering to uploading my picture of the month. More influential is mood. I write ramblings when I'm sad and I guess I just haven't been that sad lately.

Then... out of nowhere... it comes.... From where? I girl I just sort of liked, but not really, told me that it wouldn't work but really I stopped being mysterious after we quickly got intimate. That rejection doesn't bother me... i didn't really like her much anyways. No, the recent moods come from a more mystical (or chemical) source. I just don't know but... it's here and I have to fight through it.

Does everyone have these episodes?

Accute Respitory Porridge

Three rocks lift a porridge pot off of an open fire.
Smoke and dust belch from the heart of the flame.
Visible and invisible particles and molecules compete with oxygen.
The five meter by five meter space is sealed.
Mosquitoes stay out. Particulate matter stays in.
A mother drops another handful of charcoal and the fire fights back accordingly.
It took a ten hour round trip walk to get that charcoal.
As always, she walked without her husband.
Incomplete combustion and carbon monoxide.
A deep inhale.
A sigh.
An unfounded fantasy of another part of the world, someplace out of here.
A baby on the mothers back starts to cry.
As always, she is alone with her mom.
Her father is off at work, lifting bags of coal from a truck with his black stained hands.

Ahhhhhhh Good Music!

I could get shit on by a bird, step on a nail, rejected by everyone, not do my homework, get in an accident, lose a finger, bump my knee, eat an apple worm, robbed of my underwear, get pinched by some old creepy guy or say something I'll regret and IT DOESN'T MATTER!

Because:

IN RAINBOWS!!!!!!!!!

Some time

Setting a foundation on a burnt out shell. Post cards anywhere there's a shadow.

ehhhh??? [shrug shoulders]

Put apple sauce and almonds in your bag.
Ride your bike to Little Italy.
Put bike in car.
Drive car to Aikido class.
Feel more balanced with every Arigato gozaimashita you hear or say.
Eat apple sauce and almonds.
Yawn.
Imagine who she is with and what she is doing.
Imagine her f*%^I#$ a facekess man.
Stay for second class.
Jiyu Waza.
Drive back, with hands at 10 and 2.
Wonder if 10 and 2 is the governments suggestion still, or if air bags f&^# up that techniqe.
Buy spinach, milk, 7-grain bread, hummus, four red apples, three avocados and two bottles of expensive blood orange juice.
Yawn
Drive home.
Look to your left to see if the lady in the next car about 10 feet away from you is looking at you.
Think about hating cars and driving them.
Imagine whipping your own back for driving your car....
Increased heart rate and attentiveness when a cop car goes by.
Why do I have a car?
Go home.
Sigh.
Think of your last sexual experience.
Think of her.
Drive to alchohol class.
Deny.
Drive home.
Scratch a scab.
Bleed a bit.

Placeholder come and take mine.

Princess Leah Vs. Freddy